Saturday, August 22, 2015

How do you do it?

I was sitting in the Temple the other day. I had my nails painted with cute little teal support ribbons, and a lady leaned over and asked me what the ribbons were for. I responded that they were for Tourette Awareness. That I have kids with Tourette. Soon she leaned over again and said "you said kids? how many kids do you have?" I said that I had four kids three with Tourette. She leaned over again and said "Wow how do you do it? That must be really hard." I said nope, not hard, it just is what it is. We finished worshiping and went on about our days, but that simple conversation has really stuck with me. I keep wondering if I am negating my role as a mother with children with Tourette? If my role as a "Tourette Mom" is that much different than a Regular Mom. And if its different why I feel like its not that big of a deal?

So here is my rambling thoughts, I know you must enjoy them because you are still reading. Is my role as a "Tourette Mom" different? I have one "normal" kid, but I don't see a difference in the way I parent or mother. I love all of my kids fiercely. I would fight any battles for them. I would die for them. I would take any hardships away from them if I could. I loose nights sleep worrying about all of my kids, "Tourette and Non-Tourette." I also have to admit, that my non Tourette kid is easier, It may just be that she is an laid back easy kid? I don't worry that she is going to go to school and have a hard time with friends. That she will have teachers that are not understanding. That she is going to not have friends. I don't worry about those things because of Tourette. I don't have her come to me at night crying about sore muscles, or sleepless nights because of tic's. I don't worry that she won't be able to participate in the activities that she chooses. That she will never win the quiet game. I don't worry for her about what tic will be coming next. How we will deal with the next tic. All of those worrys are gone when I parent her. I worry about things (I worry plenty) but they are just normal kid things. So I am going to go out on a limb here and admit something I have never admitted before. "IT IS HARD TO HAVE KIDS WITH TOURETTE!" Wow just typing that makes me feel such relief. I do work hard to make sure my kids teachers understand. To make sure they fit in. I worry about all the normal stuff, plus all the crazy Tourette stuff! Its Hard it makes me tired it makes me cry and it makes me crazy with worry.
Now I have come to the conclusion that it is a big deal, that it is harder. That makes me frightened and intimidated. It makes me feel like being successful at this "job" is next to impossible. That may be why I have negated my role, that its not a big deal. I am sure every mom goes to bed tired, and still unable to sleep. Throw in the extra stuff, that really is big stuff, and no wonder I feel so tired. But then its still just my life, I cant undo it. I cant change it. I am still just a mom, doing what any mom would do.
I'm just a mom, doing what any mom would do. Is it hard, Yes. Is being a mom hard? Yes! Its hard if you have one kid. Its hard if you have 10 kids. Its hard if you have "Special Needs" kids. Its hard if you want kids. Its hard if you have "to many" kids. Its hard if you have Tourette kids. So yes its hard, but every mom goes to bed wondering if they have done enough. wondering if their kids will be happy, wondering if their kids will be successful. wondering if their kids will get married, have families. Wondering if their kids will find peace. So I guess that I am just a mom. Just a mom like every other Mom. Working hard every day for my kids to find peace and happiness. That's why I just feel like a regular mom. Because that is what I am. Just a regular mom, to extraordinary kids (all four of them)